T he Bean does not smile much. This was the first smile ever captured on camera. She was waking up from an afternoon nap. Her smiles are about as rarely spotted as the Loch Ness Monster and even when I manage to spy the corners of her lips lift, I think it is my imagination. Or even more cruelly dismissed by Dr. Smith, as "Just gas.", during her first few weeks of existence.I'd like to think it wasn't that she was going to be humorless but that she just lacked the muscular strength to actually pry apart those big cheeks in order to eek out a smile. Like parting the Red Sea. I wonder how many little smiles she has been throwing the universe at large and how many I have missed. I am like a big game hunter, forever carrying my trusty Sony Cybershot in pursuit of the ever elusive smile.
These days she seems alittle less stingy in the mornings and her smiles flow more freely. Nothing beats looking into her little bassinette and having her look up at you with all the expectations of "They did remember me. Whew. Maybe I can get some breakfast now." And then a sweet little smile of recognition. Since the photo of her first smile was taken, she has been smiling alittle more with each day, but still eyes the camera suspiciously. Why can't my mom look at me without that funny little black metal thing with the blinking orange light. To which, mom would say, one day when you have your life so well documented, you'll have me to thank, that each precious nanosecond you were in existence was relished and adored. As evidenced by these 1000 volumes.
Sometimes she flashes us a smile downright baroque in its exuberance, big brown eyes, drippy saliva pools on the edges of her mouth, big pink gums, and flared little nostrils and we just can barely stand not giving her the kind of hug which would crush her little bones. Brochures should have been printed out warning new parents of the dangers of a baby's smiles.
The other day, not only did I witness the full fledge smile, but I actually heard laughter emanating from those cheeks. A full 5 seconds of bubbly infectious laughter, pure joy. It was the most amazing sound I had ever heard. The Bean actually laughed, not exactly a full bellied guffaw but a beautiful little giggly laugh of complete joy. It's been precisely a week and I've been trying to recreate the circumstance that lead to that first little laughter (namely kissing her 4 times on each fat cheek) but she is no performing monkey. Sure, her mouth opens and closes in the shape of an O and she smiles but no sounds come out of it. She has teased me so with the voice she has yet to reveal. Our days are often filled with words in every medium imaginable- and circumstance. They have become the white noise of our lives, it takes so much for us to really begin to appreciate the significance , beauty and sound of each little word. When I heard her laughter, and her starting to utter little sounds like "El-la", "Ewwww", "Eahhhh", "Owwww", she makes me that much more excited about what are the things she will one day say, and for her to finally reveal to me what she is thinking, if I am lucky and she thinks me worthy.
